Jacob and Esau

People who feel like they are continually getting the “short end of the stick” can develop ill feelings toward others. Relationships can be damaged when both parties are not looking out for each other. The relationship between Jacob and Esau is a prime example of this, but they also offer us an example of what happens when humility is made a part of the relationship.  

We look at Genesis 27:35-37 & 41; 33:1-4,8-11 and continue looking at the relationship between Jacob and Esau.  In the last study we saw how Jacob and Rebekah tricked Isaac into passing on the family blessing to Jacob as was ordained by God, rather than to Esau as Isaac desired.

Isaac’s blessing on Jacob included four elements: (1) agricultural prosperity, (2) international acclaim and success, (3) mastery over the clan, and (4) protective provision related to cursing and blessing. Jacob had no sooner left his father’s presence after receiving the blessing, than Esau arrived from his hunting expedition. After realizing Jacob had deceived him, Esau cried out to Isaac for a blessing also. 

The conflict between Esau and Jacob was so deeply rooted in serious matters and it had lasted many years.  But their reconciliation is a model for us today and it reveals a critical trait that is necessary. Showing humility is critical to restoring a broken relationship.

First let’s look at the finale of the blessing incident.

Genesis 27:35-37,41

35 But he replied, “Your brother came deceitfully and took your blessing.” 
36 So he said, “Isn’t he rightly named Jacob? For he has cheated me twice now. He took my birthright, and look, now he has taken my blessing.” Then he asked, “Haven’t you saved a blessing for me?” 
37 But Isaac answered Esau, “Look, I have made him a master over you, have given him all of his relatives as his servants, and have sustained him with grain and new wine. What then can I do for you, my son?”. . . 
41 Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. And Esau determined in his heart, “The days of mourning for my father are approaching; then I will kill my brother Jacob.”

Jacob could ALSO have requested gain and wine for Esau.  He could have request any of a large number of other blessings, e.g., plentiful game, good hunting, successful agriculture businesses...etc. Agricultural prosperity is not an EXCLUSIVE blessing, but could have been shared; a protective provision relating to blessing and cursing is not exclusive and could have been shared.  International acclaim and success could have been shared.  True, Mastery of the clan was an exclusive blessing, but everything else COULD have, at least partially, been duplicated.  Why did Isaac feel that he had only "one blessing" to give? Why could he see no other way to bless Esau?  

Isaac's blessing was significant because it was more than a wish for his descendants to remember him. It was also a prediction that future generations would receive the promise of a nation, a prediction that God's promised nation would come through his son Jacob.

Esau naturally was angry but he was also desperate, and begged his father to bless him too. At least to give him something to look forward to. Genesis 27:38-40 records "Esau said to his father, “Do you have only one blessing, my father? Bless me too, my father!” Then Esau wept aloud. His father Isaac answered him, “Your dwelling will be away from the earth’s richness, away from the dew of heaven above.You will live by the sword and you will serve your brother.BUT when you grow restless, you will throw his yoke from off your neck." 

His father doesn't bless him because he feels that there are no more blessings to give. It actually sounds like a curse, but it's not. It's the best word of advice his father could have given him. His father pretty much said all those things I said to your brother will happen. He will be great, and you will serve him. However, this will only happen as long as you ALLOW it. This part; BUT when you grow restless, you will throw his yoke from off your neck is a blessing in disguise. A way out. A LOOP HOLE. 

Isaac couldn't give Esau the unique blessing because Jacob got it. And those blessings will be manifested in both their lives. But the father, seeing how distraught his favorite son was over this betrayal, couldn't bear to have him live the rest of his life with these consequences. So he found a loophole for Esau. He said, yes, Jacob will rule over you, for a season, and all those other things will come to pass...as long as YOU ALLOW IT. The day you get tired of it, you will throw that yoke off your neck and BE FREE.  It was up to Esau the whole time.

We have all experienced things that have left us feeling sorry for ourselves and kept us in the prison of victim mentality. You can choose to either live the rest of your life in anger, bitterness, and vengeance, or choose to forgive, let go, and be free. You can live the rest of your life as the victim, under the bondage of addiction, struggles, etc., or choose to break free from that yoke.

By Genesis 33:4,8-9, which we look at in a moment, you will realize that Esau had amassed a lot of wealth and prosperity for himself. He was not his brother's servant. He was his own boss, and the master of his destiny. He finally understood that the key to his life was not in staying bitter and resentful towards the one who betrayed him and stole much from him. He took charge of his life, let go of past hurts, and thrived. He was free, for forgiveness equals freedom literally in every sense of the word.

Isaac finding a loophole for his son reminds me of the nature of God, who will always find a loophole in every situation you're in, if you allow it.  No matter the circumstance we're in, God always finds a way to get us out of it so that we may learn from it.

Later, Jacob had a life-changing encounter with the Lord. Then he reconciled with his brother, which required a unique approach.  What we learn is that acting deceitfully wrecks relationships, as it did in Jacob’s family.

Esau revealed that he accurately perceived the meaning of Jacob’s name. The sound of the Hebrew word translated Jacob is a play on the Hebrew words for “heel” and “cheated.” The name derives from a verb meaning “to take by the heel” or “to supplant.” Jacob lived up to this name in his dealings with Esau.   Like the line from Dances with Wolves, the meaning of the name becomes a revelation. (Why are you named stands which a fist?  When they found me when I was a little girl and adopted me I was standing there prepared to fight.  Oh.  Stands with a fist.  I get it..."). Esau came to realize the true meaning of Jacob's name:  Oh ya-qb doesn't JUST refer to the meaning "following brother" it means "supplanting brother!"  He was always at my heel trying to be more favored than me!  More literally, in this passage Esau announced that Jacob had “Jacob-ed” him twice. 

First, Esau believed Jacob had cheated him out of his birthright (conveniently forgotting the part he had played in the earlier deal related to the birthright). He had chosen to sell the birthright to Jacob for a bowl of lentil stew. However, Rebekah and Jacob had schemed together to cheat Esau out of the blessing. 

Isaac’s words to Esau look back to the Lord’s words to Rebekah before the twins’ births. There the mastery was presented in terms of two nations struggling in her womb. While Jacob appeared to have the upper hand in stealing his twin’s blessing. The reference to two nations reveals that the prophecy and its fulfillment look beyond the two brothers to their descendants. In their national histories, Edom (descended from Esau) repeatedly submitted to Jacob’s descendants (the nation of Israel) and  Israel would also experience spiritual dominance in the sense that the Messiah would come from that nation. 

The phrase held a grudge translates a Hebrew verb literally meaning “hated.” It refers to a deep-seated anger that can result in violent retaliation. The term identifies the tragic results that flow from an unforgiving heart.  After Isaac died, Esau would feel free to retaliate against his brother by murdering him. NOT a real positive family dynamic.

Next we look at the reconciliation of the brothers much later in life.

Genesis 33:1-4

1 Now Jacob looked up and saw Esau coming toward him with four hundred men. So he divided the children among Leah, Rachel, and the two slave women. 
2 He put the slaves and their children first, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph last. 
3 He himself went on ahead and bowed to the ground seven times until he approached his brother. 
4 But Esau ran to meet him, hugged him, threw his arms around him, and kissed him. Then they wept.

Jacob approached his brother with humility. The night before Jacob’s rendezvous with Esau, when he was alone, “a man wrestled with him until daybreak”. In Hosea 12:4, the prophet refers to this event as Jacob wrestling an angel. Some scholars believe this angel to be the pre-incarnate Christ. However it was accomplished, Jacob wrestled with God through the night, then the man struck his hip, and he would thereafter walk with a limp. Jacob could no longer run from his troubles. He had no other choice but to humbly trust in God’s protection. Jacob would normally connive his way out of trouble, but his only hope for deliverance was praying to God for help, not in his cunning maneuvers.

This video shares interesting on location insights of Jacob's reconciliation with his brother.

Let's look at a bit of the back story here. When Rebekah learned of Esau’s vow to kill Jacob, she immediately acted. Rebekah influenced Isaac to send Jacob to her relatives to seek a wife. After departing home, Jacob camped at Bethel where he dreamed of a stairway reaching into the sky. There, the Lord promised to be with Jacob and to bring him back to his homeland. Then Jacob met his uncle Laban’s daughter Rachel and agreed to work seven years in order to marry her, but Jacob reaped the kind of deceit he had sown when he discovered his uncle had given him the older daughter, Leah. Jacob worked seven more years for Rachel. He fathered twelve sons by Leah, Rachel, and their two slaves. Jacob’s flocks multiplied, and he became wealthy. 

As he approached the land of his father, Jacob learned that Esau was coming to meet him with four hundred men. Because he still feared his twin’s wrath, Jacob sent ahead generous gifts with the hope of appeasing his brother. Before he dealt with Esau, however, Jacob first had to deal with God. In that divine encounter Jacob learned that the only way to prevail with God was by yielding to Him.

Jacob’s strategy was to place his children with each of their respective mothers. He designed this division as a defensive measure against an anticipated attack by Esau. Jacob then organized the groups of wives and children to reflect his preference for them. He put his slave wives and children at the front, making them more vulnerable than Leah and Rachel. Leah and her children followed the slave wives. Finally Rachel and Joseph, her only son at this point, brought up the rear. The arrangement reflected Jacob’s special love for Rachel. 

Jacob’s act of humility demonstrated a degree of respect unparalleled elsewhere in Scripture. The number seven signifies completeness or perfection. Jacob not only bowed, he bowed to the ground. Jacob’s act of bowing excessively emphasizes his willingness to subordinate himself to Esau.  Esau’s running to meet Jacob describes a surprising response on Esau’s part. 

In fear, Jacob had prepared defensives measure against an anticipated attack by Esau. Surprisingly, however, Esau ran to meet his twin. Esau greeted his brother with common gestures signifying friendship, acceptance, respect, and/or reverence. The Hebrew term rendered hugged also means “to embrace” or “to fold.” The word typically demonstrates a hug of affection. 

Jacob approached his twin brother with wariness, probably based upon Jacob's own experiences with deception over the years, but let's see how Esau has fared.

Genesis 33:8-11

8 So Esau said, “What do you mean by this whole procession I met?” “To find favor with you, my lord,” he answered. 
9 “I have enough, my brother,” Esau replied. “Keep what you have.” 
10 But Jacob said, “No, please! If I have found favor with you, take this gift from me. For indeed, I have seen your face, and it is like seeing God’s face, since you have accepted me. 
11 Please take my present that was brought to you, because God has been gracious to me and I have everything I need.” So Jacob urged him until he accepted.

Jacob had staged his entrance by sending Esau gifts and having his family bow before Esau as an act of humility and to more formally impress upon Esau his hope that their reunion would not be affected by their toxic past.  Esau’s word was one of affection and kind-heartedness to show his new-found brotherly love. 

Jacob’s fear of Esau’s response in meeting his brother is reflected in his addressing Esau as my lord. The title typically served as a title of respect in addressing men for someone of equal rank or status as well as for someone viewed as a superior.  Esau responded with the designation my brother. Esau’s peaceable spirit appears in sync with his previous display of warm emotions. Esau did not unveil a hostile spirit as Jacob had feared. If anything, Esau’s magnanimous attitude may have made Jacob’s past evil deeds appear even more deceitful. 

We find the possibility for personal peace and reconciliation in Jacob’s humility and Esau’s expression of warmth, “my brother.” After warmly greeting his brother, Esau inquired about the group of women and children that accompanied Jacob. Jacob responded by presenting each group. Bilhah and Zilpah with their children approached Esau and bowed down before him. Leah and her children next drew near and respectfully humbled themselves. Finally Joseph and Rachel came and bowed before Esau. 

Esau requested further explanation for the three groups of animals Jacob had sent ahead in an attempt to appease his twin because the size of the gift appeared exceptionally generous. Jacob explained he had sent gifts ahead to find favor with Esau. He realized he could make no genuine claim to receive acceptance from Esau.

The words this gift is used of both Cain’s and Abel’s offering in Genesis 4:4-5. In Genesis 33:11 Jacob identified the gift by a different term translated “present.” Interestingly, that Hebrew term is the same one rendered blessing in Genesis 27:35-36. 

The reference to the face of both Esau and God signals Jacob’s perception of Esau as the counterpart to the “man” with whom he had wrestled at Peniel. In some way an affinity existed between the forgiving face of Esau and the blessing face of God. Jacob’s encounter with God and the renewal of his relationship with his brother are clearly related to one another.

 

A lot of the problems Jacob and Esau faced came from the failings of their parents, Isaac and Rebekah. But as adults, the brothers were now responsible for their own behavior.  Esau had thrown off the yoke of his hatred and had forgiven his brother and was now free.  Jacob had struggled with his previous actions and had “wrestled with God” over it all night long realizing that he had “seen God’s face and had been forgiven by God.

Both Esau and Jacob demonstrate for us that humility and dependence upon God are key to effective reconciliation.