Joseph’s Reconciliation

We conclude this study on navigating family conflict by looking at the reconciliation of Joseph with his family. We learn of the part that forgiveness plays in restoration.  Unforgiveness is one of the greatest roadblocks in family relationships.  We cannot be the family that God calls us to be with resentment and unforgiveness weighing us down. When we make the first step toward reconciliation by forgiving—regardless of how hurt we are—we are on the road to reconciliation and strengthening the family. Forgiveness can lead to family healing and restoration.

In Genesis 42:3-5,21-24a; 45:1-5 we see the reconciliation of Joseph and his family. Through all his adverse circumstances, the Lord was with Joseph – with the experience with his brothers, with his excursion into slavery, with Potiphar's wife, with his doing time in prison, with Pharaoh’s troubling dreams and Joseph interpreting the dreams, to the king selecting Joseph as second-in-authority of one of the World’s Superpowers.

So let's look at the set up to this story.

Genesis 42:3-5

3 So ten of Joseph’s brothers went down to buy grain from Egypt. 4 But Jacob did not send Joseph’s brother Benjamin with his brothers, for he thought, “Something might happen to him.” 5 The sons of Israel were among those who came to buy grain, for the famine was in the land of Canaan.

The passage opens with a famine, a shortage of food, most commonly due to drought conditions. Because of the famine, and hearing that Egypt had food for sale, Jacob/Israel sent ten of the twelve brothers to go buy grain, the primary food stuff of the era. 

He kept back Benjamin, Rachel's last son. Rachel died in childbirth and with her last breath named the boy son of my sorrow – Ben-oi.  But Jacob/Israel, presumably distraught over the loss of his favorite wife, chose to call the boy Ben-yamin – son of my right hand.  Presumably, as this story shows Jacob intended to keep Benjamin at his side as his right hand man for the duration of his life. 

When Jacob/Israel sent his other sons to Egypt in search of grain he sent the ten brothers.  Only ten went because the number did not include Joseph who was, unknown to them already in Egypt, or Benjamin. Jacob/Israel declined to send Benjamin out of fear that some harm might come to this only remaining son of Rachel. These were the sons of Jacob’s favored wife Rachel. 

So the brothers who had sent Joseph into slavery, with him ending up in Egypt, are sent by Jacob/Israel into Egypt to find sustenance for the family. 

Next we see them encounter their "long-lost brother" and their reaction.

Genesis 42:21-24a

21 Then they said to each other, “Obviously, we are being punished for what we did to our brother. We saw his deep distress when he pleaded with us, but we would not listen. That is why this trouble has come to us.” 22 But Reuben replied, “Didn’t I tell you not to harm the boy? But you wouldn’t listen. Now we must account for his blood!” 23 They did not realize that Joseph understood them, since there was an interpreter between them. 24 He turned away from them and wept.

The ten brothers encountered Joseph in charge of the country. They failed to recognize him, but he identified them as his brothers. Ultimately Joseph wanted to test them. Remembering that these were the self-centered younger men who sold Joseph into slavery and that Joseph is second-in-command of Egypt and responsible for the protection of Egypt, he needed to determine and discern what their character and purpose really was.

Joseph asked the ten brothers where they were from. They let him know they were all brothers from one father. He accused them of being spies. Joseph learned that his father and Benjamin were alive. 

Joseph imprisoned them for three days while he “investigated” whether they were spies or not. Finally, he required one of them to remain confined while the rest returned home with grain for their households. Upon their return to Egypt to redeem the remaining brother, Joseph required they bring their youngest brother to prove they were honest men. The brothers talked among themselves in their native language, not realizing the Joseph could understand them.

These brothers, who may have never spoken about their treachery from over 20 years ago until now, spoke with a guilty conscience as though their act of betrayal had just happened. Joseph’s brothers interpreted the harsh treatment from Joseph as well as the stiff demands placed on them as punishment for what they had done to Joseph twenty years earlier. Thus they acknowledged their guilt. These guilt feelings were deep, as evidenced by the fact they readily surfaced after so many years. The brothers seem to refer to a principle of cause and effect, often mistakenly equated with Eastern religions’ belief in karma. 

Karma is an ancient Indian concept that refers to an action, work, or deed, and its effect or consequences.  It is a descriptor of a principle wherein individuals' intent and actions (cause) influence their future (effect), e.g. good intent and good deeds contribute to good karma and happier rebirths, while bad intent and bad deeds contribute to bad karma and worse rebirths. This perspective of Karma lends itself to be good so you get better outcomes rather than be good for goodness sake.  

Rather than a karmic “be good to get good”, the brothers seem to realize that obedience to God leads one on a path that results in God's will for the individual, while disobedience to God 1) leads one away from God, 2) results in remedial correction, or 3) ends in punishment–the infliction of a penalty for an offense. Joseph’s brothers concluded trouble had come to them because they had refused to heed Joseph’s cries of distress and were now realizing the answer was “all of the above”, 1, 2,and 3.

 

Hearing his brothers express their remorse, Joseph turned away and wept. He decided to spare Reuben the indignity of another day in prison. In place of the oldest brother, Joseph ordered Simeon, the second-oldest brother, to be put back in prison. He then sent the rest of them home to return with Benjamin if they wished to free Simeon and purchase more grain.

But instead of allowing his painful past to cause him to retaliate against his family, Joseph chose to reconcile with his brothers and support them.

Genesis 45:1-5

1 Joseph could no longer keep his composure in front of all his attendants, so he called out, “Send everyone away from me!” No one was with him when he revealed his identity to his brothers. 2 But he wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard it, and also Pharaoh’s household heard it. 3 Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph! Is my father still living?” But they could not answer him because they were terrified in his presence. 4 Then Joseph said to his brothers, “Please, come near me,” and they came near. “I am Joseph, your brother,” he said, “the one you sold into Egypt. 5 And now don’t be grieved or angry with yourselves for selling me here, because God sent me ahead of you to preserve life.

In the process of determining and discerning the character of his brothers Joseph required Simeon remain imprisoned in Egypt until the others came back with Benjamin. Joseph also ordered each brother’s silver returned in his sack of grain. When the brothers discovered the silver, it added to their fear and guilt over the situation.  “Wait a moment!  We got a load of grain AND got all our money back!?  What are they going to accuse us of now?  We had better hurry home and make a plan, because we HAVE to go back and get Simeon.

Jacob/Israel became emotionally distraught when he learned Simeon had been imprisoned and Benjamin must accompany the others on their next trip to Egypt. After Judah promised to assume responsibility for Benjamin, Jacob finally relented for Benjamin to go, and he insisted his sons take double the silver as well as gifts for the man in charge. “Oh, it seems that our silver was returned incorrectly, so here is the original silver AND silver for a new load of grain.”

Joseph had the fearful brothers brought to his house for a meal and arranged one final test. As the brothers prepared to return home, Joseph’s steward placed his master’s silver cup in Benjamin’s sack. After the brothers left, Joseph sent his steward to retrieve the silver cup. When the cup was discovered in Benjamin’s bag, the brothers refused to desert Benjamin. Judah pleaded to remain as a slave in Benjamin’s place. Thus the brothers successfully passed Joseph’s test proving themselves to be men of improved character.

After Judah’s plea on Benjamin’s behalf, Joseph lost his composure. The verb more literally means “restrain himself”. Previously Joseph had been able to mask his emotions as he went about his work, but upon hearing Judah’s self-sacrificial offer he no longer could. So here is the second-in-command of Egypt, suddenly breaking down emotionally, for apparently no reason. Then he sends all his attendants and staff away leaving only his brothers in attendance. Then he reveals himself to them. He then tells them to come closer.  Here one can almost hear the plot twist “Uh oh!  Here is our wronged brother, who has emotionally broken down, we ARE guilty AND there are no witnesses around.  Is this guy going to kill us now?!”  To say that they were terrified is, I think, and understatement. I believe they were most likely fearing that this wronged brother, this second-in-command of the most powerful nation in the world at the time, this man who is in his own home with no witnesses present could have put each brother to death, and if they should have fought back they still would have been put to death by the out-of-the-room attendants.  It seemed to them that they were in a no-win situation.

Joseph could have done anything from punish them, enslave them, all the way to kill them, but because Joseph recognized that God was in control and had sent him to Egypt to preserve life, he could act compassionately toward his brothers. Joseph attempted to calm his brothers’ fears by encouraging them to look at events in light of the bigger picture of God’s purpose. Joseph’s counsel reveals his great spiritual insight and maturity. He graciously invited his brothers to put their past behind them.

What would have happened IF Joseph had not been spiritually mature?  What IF he said, "look, you wanted to kill me, but here I am the second most powerful man in the world.  You thought prison was bad...wait until you see what I am going to do with you now....". Would God have been glorified?  Would Joseph have been glorified?  Would Jacob's promise of a nation of people have come to pass?  No.  But Joseph's spiritual and forgiving nature teaches us that we need to forgive those who harm us and teach ourselves to let it go every time the harm comes to mind.

I want to share an event that was significant for me.  It was a significant national event and because I knew a number of people involved, I was a part of its effects,  let me tell you a bit about the Luby's Massacre. You can read more of the details at the link above. 

It was a mass shooting that took place on October 16, 1991, at a Luby's Cafeteria in Killeen, Texas. The perpetrator drove his pickup truck through the front window of the restaurant before opening fire, killing 23 people and wounding 27 others. The killer had a brief shootout with police in which he was seriously wounded but refused their orders to surrender and eventually killed himself.  The shooting was the deadliest mass shooting in modern U.S. history, until was surpassed 16 years later in 2007.

One of my Chiropractic College colleagues was killed in the massacre, another of my colleagues had her parents killed, and another FAMILY of chiropractors, six or more that I knew, narrowly escaped through a broken out window. 

My Chiropractic college classmate Connie Deen Peterson, who had married just the year before, was shot in the face and killed. The senseless killing "got to me" because I was defenseless to do anything about it. Hate, anger and frustration built up for a week or more until her memorial where Connie's sister preached a most heart wrenching message of forgiveness. She pointed out that we needed to forgive the actions of the perpetrator not just once, but EVERY time this massacre bothered us. This message taught me a useful lesson and I try to share it every opportunity where it arises.

This is the kind of lesson Joseph is teaching us.  Forgive those who have wronged you OR they will continue to wrong you ever time you think about it.  Joseph chose to view his experiences from a divine perspective. He could forgive his brothers because he could see God’s purpose behind his years of hardship in Egypt. God sent Joseph on a mission to save many lives. Years later when Jacob/Israel died, Joseph comforted his fearful brothers by reminding them that God had planned his coming to Egypt. This forgiving brother spoke kindly to his brothers and promised to care for them.

Like Joseph, choose to see your experiences from a divine perspective. Practice forgiveness every time you recall the pain of a harmful experience. Support those who depend upon you, and allow forgiveness to lead to family healing and restoration.